


Email

by Rakshi



Series: You'll Be In My Heart [1]
Category: Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: Early Work, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-12-02
Updated: 2011-12-02
Packaged: 2017-10-26 19:16:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/286932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rakshi/pseuds/Rakshi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The journey begins.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Email

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elijah gets some very disturbing email.

Come stop your crying  
It will be alright  
Just take my hand  
Hold it tight  
I will protect you  
From all around you  
I will be here  
Don't you cry

For one so small  
You seem so strong  
My arms will hold you  
Keep you safe and warm  
This bond between us  
Can't be broken  
I will be here  
Don't you cry

'Cause you'll be in my heart  
Yes, you'll be in my heart  
From this day on  
Now and forever more

You'll be in my heart  
No matter what they say  
You'll be here in my heart  
Always

You’ll be in my heart – Phil Collins

Series: You'll be in my Heart  
Story: Part One: Email

Elijah stared at the monitor’s screen, not quite sure he believed what his eyes were seeing. This HAD to be someone who knew him! Not that many people had his email address and he knew none of his friends would give it out. But this message hadn't come from a friend. He fiddled with the message for a minute, trying to find out who had actually sent it, to no avail. ‘Anonymous’ remained anonymous.

Elijah read the message again, thinking that it couldn’t possibly say what he thought he’d read before:

 

Don’t you care that you’re breaking up a family? Don’t you care that Sean’s little girl cries herself to sleep every night because her father is with YOU instead of with her? She is going to grow up to hate him AND to hate you.

How can you destroy lives this way and just not care?

 

Yes. It did say what he thought it said. Those words.

Those horrible words.

Elijah’s head drooped toward his keyboard and met his two hands that were rising to cover his face

“Oh Jesus.” He moaned. “Sean.” Suddenly he wanted Sean so desperately that he was amazed he didn't instantly materialize before his eyes. He grabbed his beeper and typed madly into it, breath coming in short, hitching gasps. “911 911”

He’d never used this signal before. But it’s what they’d decided to send if one of them ever had an emergency situation and needed the other one immediately.

He stared blankly at the computer screen for long, long minutes. Not reading the hateful message. Just staring. “Call his cell phone!” his numb mind suddenly screamed at him. He dove for the phone and pounded in Sean’s number. Ring, ring, ring . . . no answer. Either it was turned off or . . .

“Elijah?” Sean’s voice from the living room. “Elijah! Where are you? What’s wrong? Lijah!” Elijah dashed toward the living room and met Sean dashing toward the bedroom. He grabbed both of Sean’s hands. “Sean! Oh, god, Sean.” Elijah tried to tell him what was wrong but couldn’t speak. He was trying, with obvious effort, to control himself and Sean was scared to death.

“Elijah! What’s wrong?” Sean pushed him back, looking him over, checking for injuries. “What IS it? I was almost in your driveway when I got your page. Scared me senseless. What’s wrong?!” he asked urgently. Elijah’s hands were back in front of his face.

Sean could see that Elijah wasn't injured. He could also see that explanations were going to have to wait a few moments. He gathered Elijah into his arms and held him close. “Shh.” Sean murmured. “I’m here now. You’re ok, baby.”

Elijah pulled away from him and pointed to the bedroom. “I want to show you something.” He said in a ragged whisper.

Sean followed him into the bedroom and over to the computer. Elijah pointed to his monitor and Sean leaned over and read the message on the screen. Elijah sat down on the foot of his bed. He bit his lip and watched Sean’s face as he read.

Sean’s eyes narrowed and he sucked in a quick breath. Then his eyes swung to Elijah. “You don’t BELIEVE that crap do you?” he pointed at the monitor. “Please tell me you’re not buying INTO that.”

Elijah shook his head. He looked up at Sean. “I tried to find out who sent it . . . “

“Don’t!” Sean interrupted him. “Just don’t try! Because if you DID find out who sent it I’d end up having to do things I’d just as soon not do.” He looked at Elijah sitting on the end of his bed. His face was pale and lost. Frodo at his heartbroken best. Sean sighed. “And, it’s obvious you ARE buying into it.”

Sean spun around and slammed his fist down on the computer desk. “Fuck!” he spat.

“Sean DON’T!” Elijah jumped up and ran to him. He took Sean’s hand in his and looked at it anxiously. Sean sat down on the computer desk, staring over Elijah’s head at the wall. Then he looked at Elijah who was still holding his hand.

Pulling his hand away, he reached up and cupped Elijah’s face. Without speaking a word, he pulled Elijah close and kissed him softly. Repeatedly. His mouth opened against Elijah’s, and with every kiss he inhaled softly as though he were trying to breathe Elijah into him. His lips caught at Elijah’s, softly moving against his mouth.

Elijah’s eyes were closed. His knees slowly collapsed and he swayed into Sean, wrapping his arms around Sean’s neck. He could feel what Sean was trying to tell him with his kisses. He felt the torment in his soul give way before Sean’s love. Cracking and breaking apart, allowing healing and light to enter.

“Lijah. Lijah. Lijah.” Sean was murmuring against his lips. His breath caught, and he dragged his lips away, burying his face in Elijah’s neck.

Sean’s arms were around Elijah’s waist. He clutched him, pulling him against his body with all his strength. He couldn’t get Elijah close enough. Couldn't get him as close as he wanted him to be. Couldn't get him as close as he needed him to be. Close enough to ease the chilling fear he’d felt when he saw Elijah’s 911 page. Close enough to heal the anger and pain of that hateful email. Clinging insatiably, he murmured over and over “I’ll never let you go. Oh, baby. God. I’ll never, ever let you go.”

Elijah soothed Sean’s hair. “Seanie.” He whispered against his ear. “I’m OK now that you’re here. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have sent that page. I’m sorry.” He couldn’t bear to see Sean so upset. He put his hands on either side of Sean’s face and tipped his head up. “Hey.” He whispered, looking down into Sean’s eyes. “I love you.” He kissed Sean gently, caressing his face and brow.

“Elijah, please don’t believe that email.” Sean begged him in an uneven whisper. “It’s just not true.”

Elijah looked into his eyes and sighed. “If you say so, Seanie, I’ll believe you.” He glanced at the email, still on his computer screen. “It was pretty hard to read that stuff about Ally though. About her hating me and all.” He looked down and chewed on his lip again.

“Delete that damned thing!” Sean said, releasing him and pointing at the screen. “I want to see you delete it!”

Elijah leaned over and hit the ‘delete’ button and the email disappeared from the screen. He looked at Sean with a small smile. “Poof! Gone.”

Sean gathered him close again. “Listen.” he said gently, his hands running over Elijah’s back. “What time do I usually get here?”

Elijah thought. “I dunno. Around 8:30 or 9:00, I guess.”

“Right.” Sean said. “And what time does Ally go to bed?”

“8:00.” Elijah said.

“Right again.” Sean told him with a smile. “Gee. You’re good. So what does that tell you?” Sean asked him.

“That you’re there when Ally goes to bed?” Elijah said quietly.

“Right.” Sean said. “Damn near every night. I’m there tucking her into bed. And believe me; she is NOT crying herself to sleep. She’s being a demanding little poop. ‘Get me water. I want a cookie. Daddy read one more story. Where’s my cat?’” He smiled up at Elijah. “She runs me ragged and enjoys every minute of it.”

Elijah said nothing. He looked down at Sean, still stroking his hair.

“Please tell me you believe me.” Sean said softly.

Elijah fought back the desire to cry. “I DO believe you.” He told Sean.

Sean bit his lip. “You still look awfully damned sad.” He murmured.

Elijah shrugged. “I’m sorry, Sean.” He whispered. “It was just awfully hard to read that email.” He started to say something else, and then stopped.

“Tell me.” Sean said.

“I feel afraid.” Elijah confessed. “Very afraid. When people start using your kids against me, I feel scared to fucking death. It can’t get much worse than that, Sean.”

Sean looked at him silently for a moment. Then he sighed and pushed Elijah back to arm’s length. “They didn't use my kids against you, Elijah.” He said in a soft voice. “They used my kids against US.”

He was silent for a moment. “Unless you want nothing to do with them.”

“Jesus, Sean!” Elijah spouted. “How can you SAY that? You know how I feel about Ally!”

“Yes, I do.” Sean said, toying with Elijah’s fingers. “You love her. And,” he added with a smile, “she loves you. Walks right PAST me to get to Uncle Lijah."

Elijah smiled.

“You have to decide.” Sean said, still in that same soft voice.

“Decide what?” Elijah asked him.

“Are you with me?” Sean asked.

“With you?” Elijah asked him, clearly puzzled.

“Yes. WITH me!” Sean said. “Are we together in this. In this relationship. In this LIFE!”

Elijah’s eyes were wide as saucers.

“I know you’re young.” Sean said, caressing Elijah’s cheek. “I know it’s a lot to take on. No one would blame you if you didn’t want to do it.”

“What are you TALKING about?” Elijah said, pulling away from him. “Are you asking me if I want to be with YOU? I made that decision a long time ago!”

“I’m asking you to make it again.” Sean said pulling him close again. “

"And what does my age have to do with anything?" Elijah spouted. He wiggled away from Sean and glared at him.

Sean shook his head and took Elijah's hands in his. "No. Don't be pissy now, Elijah. This is serious."

Elijah stared at him. He'd never heard Sean talk like this. It was obvious that the email message and Elijah's reaction to it had disturbed him deeply.

"You ARE young!" Sean said. "I'd be a fool not to take that into account, Elijah. It's part of who you are . . . who WE are." He looked up at Elijah, toying with their joined hands. "And it IS a lot to take on. It's not just 'isn't Sean cute' and off we bounce into the sunset. I'm a guy with a lot of baggage. I've got serious mental health issues in my family. I've got two kids. If we stay together, I'm going to be involved in a divorce that is sure to be painful and could possibly get messy. I'm 10 years older than you. When you take Sean on, you're taking on a lot."

Elijah was staring down at him. "Are you suggesting that I'm somehow UNAWARE of these things?" he asked quietly. "That some part of this is news to me?"

"Even the people who SAY they understand us don't really know what we mean to each other. They don't have a clue how much we need each other. It's just us, Lijah. We don't really HAVE anyone except each other."

Elijah made a dismissive noise. "Well, THAT'S sure nothing new."

"But," Sean said, "it adds to your burdens. Because if I'm not around and someone pulls something like this email.. then what? What if I'm not here to protect you? What if I’m not here to help you?"

Elijah looked down at their joined hands. He felt his throat tighten unbearably. "What are you saying? Are you trying to get rid of me or something? You talk as though we haven’t got a chance. Why are you doing this?"

Sean stared blankly at him for a moment. “Oh, god, Elijah, I never meant for you to think anything like that!” He lifted Elijah's hand to his lips and kissed it slowly and gently. "I love you.” He murmured against Elijah’s fingers. “There aren’t any words that could tell you how much I love you. I know, because I’ve tried to find them again and again. Words just aren’t enough. The last thing on Earth I want is to be rid of you. I just want to be sure you understand what you're taking on. That's all."

Elijah looked at him with devastated eyes. "What I'm 'taking on'?" He said in a low choked voice. "The kindest, dearest, most loving person on Earth. The person I love more than anything else in life." He put his hands over his face again, and Sean pulled him into his arms. "You're my whole heart and soul," Elijah moaned against his shoulder, "and you ask me if I'm 'with you'? If I want to take you on? Like you're some kind of burden? How can you ASK me these things?"

Feeling him trembling, Sean rocked him soothing him with his hands and voice. "I'm sorry baby. Shh. It's OK. I guess I'm saying it all badly. I just want to hear you say that being with me is what you want. Really with me." He felt Elijah relax in his arms. "Really with me." Sean whispered again against Elijah's face. "Like a marriage. For better or worse. All the way. No matter what anyone else says or thinks."

Elijah leaned back and looked into his eyes with a half-smile. "Are you proposing to me?" he asked gently, fingers running through Sean's hair.

Sean laughed softly. "Sounds like doesn't it." He pulled Elijah's face down and kissed him. "And I guess in a way I am." He chewed on his lip for a moment then looked back into Elijah's eyes. "It's this whole thing about the kids that got me thinking this way. They use them to attack you because they think it'll cause trouble between us."

He took Elijah's hands in his again and raised them to his lips. He kissed one palm, and then the other. He placed the palms of Elijah's hands on either side of his own face. Looking up at Elijah. "I want you to know how much I love you so completely that you read stuff like that email, and laugh." Sean whispered.

Elijah leaned down and kissed him, still holding his face. "I want you to be so much in love with being my kid's step dad that there'll be no point to anyone trying to use them to hurt us." Sean said, gazing directly up into his eyes.

Elijah's mouth fell open. He felt a paralyzing thrill run through him and his eyes burned with tears. But these tears were different. They didn't flow from grief, or pain, or fear. “. . . my kid’s step dad.” Sean had said. Elijah stared at him. Sean had said, “. . . my kid’s step dad.”

He wanted to say something to Sean. Something that would acknowledge how grateful he felt. Something that would say how fully aware he was that Sean had just opened his hands and given Elijah the greatest treasure in his life. Something that spoke of his love for Sean, his limitless love for this good man. Something that put words around these feelings that Elijah had not expected to ever experience. But he was incapable of speech. His throat closed. He felt as though his chest was going to explode from the pressure inside it. He pressed his face against Sean's shoulder and cried.

After a long time he looked up and saw that Sean had tears in his eyes too. But he winked at Elijah. "I don't blame you for crying." He said teasingly.

He pulled Sean against him and inhaled deeply, trying with every fiber of his being to absorb this moment. How warm and strong Sean's arms felt as he held him close. How his jacket smelled like sunshine and leather and just . . . Sean. How his breath trembled against Elijah's cheek. How his own tears tasted as he kissed them from Sean's face. Or were those Sean's tears? No matter really. How safe he felt. How completely loved and sheltered he felt. How completely trusted he felt. “I’m so lucky.” Elijah thought. “My god, I’m the luckiest man alive.”

He leaned back and looked at Sean. "Tell you about the crying." Elijah said. He sighed, struggling for control. "Breathe." He heard Sean murmur, and he smiled and took a deep breath. "I know." Elijah said softly, looking lovingly into his eyes. "Breathe." He took another deep breath.

"When I was little," Elijah told him, shifting his gaze to look over Sean’s head, "my mom had an old radio that sat on a table on our porch. I'd sit on the table next to it and listen to the only station it could get. It was a station of classical music. I'd sit there for hours.. or it seemed like hours to a 4 or 5 year old kid.. and listen to the music. And my mom would come out and find me. Sitting there. Crying my heart out. And she's say: 'Elijah, why are you crying?'"

He looked down at Sean, struggling with his tears again. "And I'd tell her: 'Because it's . . . just . . . so . . . beautiful." These last words were a choked whispered pressed against Sean's face and in the next moment they were both crying.

For long, long minutes they clung to each other crying. Feeling the healing that their tears brought to each of them. Feeling the healing that being able to cry in each other's arms brought to each of them.

For Sean it was a release that encompassed much more than this one moment, no matter how golden this moment might be in his life. Pain and fear from many sources lay dormant inside him. The tears which flowed down his cheeks, and which were instantly kissed away by the one he loved, freed him from bondage to much that stood between him and the peace and happiness he sought so desperately.

Slowly they both quieted in each other's arms. Sean pressed his face against Elijah's chest and thought about how much they'd been through already. How much they'd endured. All the months when Elijah loved him but believed that love to be hopeless. How alone he had felt. How afraid Sean had felt of his ever-deepening love for Elijah. Their struggle to find each other. To overcome their fear. To allow their love the space and freedom to grow.

"Nothing can break the bond between us." Sean murmured. "No one may believe in us, Elijah, but I know. I know we're going to make it, you and me."

Elijah nodded. "I believe that too." He whispered.

"And you're sure about this.” Sean said, stroking his hair. “You're sure you want this life with me. You're going to put up with me and help me raise my kids, and believe me when I tell you that I'll always be there for you, and . . . forgive me when I'm not. Right?"

Elijah bit his lip and pressed his face against Sean's cheek. He nodded his head.

"Elijah," Sean said, gently, "I need to hear you say the words."

Elijah finally managed to whisper. "Of course I'm sure. I want to be with you always, Sean. That's all I've wanted since the day I met you."

Sean nodded. "OK." He murmured.

Then Sean sat back and looked at him. "What's the one thing you ask me for again and again, only to hear me say ‘no’?"

"I ask you to get a house somewhere with me. Someplace that's really ours, instead of you living out of suitcases and grocery store bags and bouncing around like a fucking hobo." Elijah said, with a sigh.

Sean nodded. "Right. Well, I think the time has come."

Elijah's mouth fell open yet again, and yet again, he felt burning tears flood his eyes. "You don't mean it." He whispered. "Now you're teasing me."

Sean shook his head. "I am absolutely NOT teasing you. We need a place with bedrooms for the kids. A bigger place. By the ocean maybe. Yeah? You like the ocean?" He grinned up at Elijah, feeling overwhelmed with joy from the look on Elijah's face.

Sean laughed out loud. 'You look . . . ," he searched for a word, "astounded!" he finally decided. "You look as though this is the last thing in the world that you ever expected to have happen.”

"That's how I FEEL!" Elijah said.

"You OK with all this?" Sean asked him gently. "If there's any part of it you're not ready for, tell me now."

Elijah hugged him. His voice was a tight whisper. "You made all my dreams come true in one day. In one hour." He looked up into Sean's eyes. "There aren't any words for how happy I feel right now, Seanie. Or how grateful I am to you."

“Yeah.” Sean said, “That goes both ways.” He looked up at Elijah for a moment. “We’ve both got a lot to be grateful for.”

For another long moment they held each other tight. Then Sean stood up. “Come on.” He said, grabbing Elijah’s hand.

“Where we going?” Elijah said with a happy smile.

Sean hooked an arm around his neck and playfully half-dragged him down the hall. “I have a friend who’s a real estate agent. Let’s go see if he’s got any houses for rent in Malibu.” He released Elijah in the living room and leaned over to pick up his keys from the floor where he’d thrown them when he first arrived.

He looked up at Elijah and shivered with happiness when he saw the pure and simple joy written on his face. “That OK with you, ring boy?”

Elijah nodded, afraid to speak, and Sean threw an arm around his neck. Together they walked outside and quietly closed the door behind them.

\- tbc in "Breaking The News - The Power of Two"

 

Why can't they understand  
The way we feel  
They just don't trust  
What they can't explain  
I know we're different but  
Deep inside us  
We're not that different at all

And you'll be in my heart  
Yes, you'll be in my heart  
From this day on  
Now and forever more

Don't listen to them  
'Cause what do they know?  
We need each other  
To have, to hold  
They'll see in time  
I know

When destiny calls you  
You must be strong  
I may not be with you  
But you've got to hold on  
They'll see in time  
I know  
We'll show them together

'Cause you'll be in my heart  
Believe me you'll be in my heart  
I'll be there from this day on  
Now and forever more

Oh you'll be in my heart  
No matter what they say  
You'll be here in my heart  
Always

Just look over your shoulder  
Just look over your shoulder  
Just look over your shoulder

I'll be there always


End file.
